Sigh.

Happy endings are only for fairytales.

Conflicted

Sorry I haven't been blogging on here. But tumblr is so cool! And sorry I haven't shown anyone my tumblr. It's just a lot more personal. But I don't keep it private. I mean, if you stumble upon it, it means you were meant to read all that stuff. So I won't make it private or anything. Okay. So in order to make up for all the terrible non-blogging ness, I will post a super long blog on here. Yessir.

So I don't feel like myself. I don't feel complete. I mean... like today after school. I was there and talking and stuff, but my mind kept on wandering. Part of me was somewhere else. I kept on thinking about going off somewhere to find him. Just to see where he is. Then that would be enough and I could go back. But nope. I couldn't find him. And it's just like... I knew he had already left school, but I was still half hoping he would suddenly pop up somewhere. Ugh. It's so terrible. I'm always so conflicted. I'll admit; there was one point where I really wanted him to find out. But then I got really afraid that if he did, we wouldn't be friends anymore. So it's just like... eh. I'm just conflicted.

Okay. That wasn't as long as I thought it would be. But a lot of stuff in there. So yeah. VIVIAN OUT.

Random

Watched this South Park thing in AP World today. It didn't seem racist at all to me, though. Then again, I talk to Janice everyday. And as we all know, she's the new Hitler.

Drove by school on the way to bai neening. It was weird. Even though I take that route to school everyday, it felt so different. Even though it was 8 at night. Iono. School never seemed so hollow and empty. It was kind of depressing.

I'm so tired. Just so tired. Goddamn. I notice that I've been swearing a lot more. I should stop. It feels liberating, sure, but it's not me. So I'll stop. No more fuck. No more damn. But I like goddamn. I think I'll keep that. Anyway, I'm just so tired. Today would've sucked balls, had it not been for him. That brightened up my day. Then again, there was a horde of people following us. Nuckenfutsers.

Thanks to Si Fu for forgiving me :D It means a lot. But I can't believe it took you guys that long to figure it out. And thanks for choking me at the end. But seriously. How did you not figure it out?! It's so obvious D: But hey, now you can go show your parents. Or your cousins. Or your grandparents. Whatever. I'll do it to my brother tomorrow and piss him off like crazy :D

And how are people even finding my tumblr? I didn't post the link or anything. And yet, I have followers there. -strokes beard- Suspicious.

Today was random. PEACE.

GODDAMN

Got a 4 for my DBQ. YET AGAIN. Goddamn. Oh well. Sprite fixes everything, doesn't it? But seriously. I suck balls at essay for WHAP. WTN. Sigh. I'm not gonna score very well on that stupid test. SIGH.

Tumblr?

Hmm. I'm conflicted. So I was looking through Maria's tumblr. It's surprisingly emo. I didn't know Maria could be so deep. And emo. Anyway, they have really cool effects on there. Dude. It's super cool. I think I'm gonna abandon blogger in favor of tumblr.

I feel bad. This is where I have my loyal followers and such. And without blogger, how am I supposed to follow certain blogs?!

But I guess it's time to start a new leaf. For the past month, my blog has been engulfed by madness. I just feel like it's time to throw all of that behind me and just embark on something new. So it's not only because of the cool effects. Okay. 80% of it is because of the cool effects. Oh well. It's fine.

But I feel bad. So I'll use both. But I think I'll just use tumblr more. OKAY. It's settled. Time to make the account.

So I'm making the account right now. The effects are so awesome :D But I'm having a lot of trouble finding a theme. So difficult :/ And when they show you previews, they show example blog posts in Latin. That just made tumblr a lot cooler.

It kinda feels like tumblr is for emo people. So I will put all the emo stuff on tumblr, and keep all the happy stuff on here. Okay. Cool.

:o)

BTdubs, I went on School Loop. First thing I saw?

Enjoy your day off!

:o)

Posted by: Matthew Magsanay

Even Ted wouldn't do this. This just made my day amazingly awkward. It was a nice laugh, though. Kept me laughing for a while.

My Rants Are Always About TV

Warning: This post is completely pointless and was a result of my boredom.

I feel like I'm in eighth grade again. You know that feeling you get when you hear a song from a long time ago and it feels like you went back to the time where you first started to it? You know what I'm saying? It's like if you really like this song and you put it on continuous repeat for five days, and then you just stop listening to it. And four months later, you listen to the song again and it feels like it was four months ago? Well, that's what's happening to me.

I remember listening to Last Night by Diddy and Because of You by Neyo all the time in seventh grade. They were all the rage. Everyone loved those two songs. And if I listen to it again right now, I would feel like I'm a seventh grader. Ah, Last Christmas by Ashley Tisdale. I think that's the first song that made me feel like this. I remember listening to it in December '06. And I was like, this is the best song ever. But, you know, now that I look back on it, I'm just like, I cannot believe how poppy this song is. Pop is so lame. But anyway, I remember listening to it again during December '07, and I was just like, I feel like I'm in seventh grade again. How awkward. So that's the first time that, I guess, in Marshall's words, I experienced musical revertigo. But back to the point of this blog.

So I was watching TV all day. And I'm serious when I say all day. I haven't watched TV all day since I was a little kid. Maybe the last time was seventh or eighth grade. But I woke up at 10 something today and watched TV all the way to 5 something. It was the only thing I did. I didn't even leave the couch. I remember doing this for the entire weekend when I was a little kid. I was such a TV maniac back then. I could recount every little detail of any show that I watched. I am not kidding. And it was just so easy to remember back then. It was such a big part of my life, I can still recall episodes of Even Stevens and Lizzie McGuire. I guess it kinda died down in fifth grade when I got addicted to Neopets. But then it came back after fifth grade. I still remember watching TV while doing homework during eighth grade. That's just how important TV was to me. But after Lowell... and all the homework that came with Lowell, I stopped watching TV overall. I just didn't have time. So today was the first real time I truly watched TV in two years. It wasn't just watching it for a while and then calling it a day. It was full commitment. So yeah. It was kinda like revertigo. But that wasn't the only because of TV. I guess TV was a huge part of it, but a smaller part of it was because of candy. I had completely forgotten that, when you're a little kid, Valentine's Day isn't about relationships and whatnot. It's about candy. It's all about the candy. I was so wrapped up in the madness for the past week, I completely forgot about the true meaning of Valentine's Day: the candy. So when I saw a huge bag of candy that my brother brought home from school, I was just completely shocked. Taking that and adding in hours of TV, I had a revelation. I don't know exactly what my revelation is about, but I do know that I've been over thinking it. The madness, that is. I don't know. I just know that I've been over thinking everything and that I should just stick to my morals and just be a kid. I mean, why am I inflicting so much pain onto myself? Am I masochistic or something? I don't know.

Hmm. I just realized that after all of that, I still haven't gotten to why I feel like I'm in eighth grade again. So after the candy and the TV and the revelation, I decided to go back to my room. I turned on my computer, went on Youtube, and for some reason, decided to look up Lady Gaga. I listened to Eh, Eh. And then musical revertigo happened. It felt like the days of the play. You know, staying after school, going to Eggetes, that kind of stuff. And I guess it's just that the song is so carefree compared to her other ones. And the music video and everything. It's just so carefree. And that's what eighth grade was about. Especially March to May. You know, the musical rehearsals. And even though it was the first time I heard this song, it just brought me back. It reminded me of songs from back then. Like Touch My Body, Selfish, Low, Love In This Club, Bleeding Love, Take A Bow, and No Air. Whoa. Just naming those songs brought me back. I don't know. It was just that her music video was so sunny. And I remember the final week of rehearsals was the hottest week ever. And I don't know. Because of the carefreeness and the sunniness, I experienced musical revertigo.

Huh. This blog sounded a lot cooler when I was planning it in my head. Oh well. Anyway, I'm sick, so sorry I haven't been on AIM and Facebook and stuff. I just don't like going on the internet when I'm sick. But I feel a heckofa lot better now, which is why I'm on Blogger. But I'm still not going on AIM or anything. Maybe tomorrow. Anyway, so it's Chinese New Year. Yes. My family's so lazy. We didn't even go bai neen-ing. Huh. I just realized that we only have one relative here, so there's really no point. But still. We used to go out to Chinatown when I was a little kid. It's fine, though. I don't like Chinatown anyway. It's disgusting. Whoa. Long post, long post. This post was kinda pointless, though. So I think I'm gonna scroll back up and add a warning. Okay. Done. VIVIAN OUT.

Here Goes Nothing

I remember when life used to be easy. But now, my impenetrable sphere has been tainted. Sigh. Life is bad after all. But here's a look at the thing I'm sending. Here goes nothing

Kung Fu Frisbee

I worry too much. And overthink too much. It's all in my head. I should just send it and get it over with.

And no, Kim, you are never finding out. Si Fu was my limit. Because Si Fu and I play Kung Fu Frisbee during PE.

Nice PD day, though. Very fun. A lot of mocking. But I'm okay with that. Edmond and Kameron fighting makes up for everything. I hope they get back together. Also, Aaron Louie ran into a fence. Then Si Fu ran into a trash can. Then Sharon ran into a pole. Good times, good times. There was too much stuff from yesterday to blog about, so I just won't. VIVIAN OUT.

Heavy Banging

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Darned Janice

Life confuses me.

Maybe I just look too much into things.

Also, Janice is a cockblock.

Sigh

Okay. This isn't working. I really don't think I can actually stop it. So. Hmm. How should I say this? I won't do anything special to make anything happen, but... what happens happens. May the pieces fall into place on their own. I'm not gonna go do anything on purpose. That just brings disappointment. And I've thought it through. I'm sending the rose to him. I'll just go to his 14-15 tomorrow--very nonchalantly of course--and ask for it. Wish me luck :/ VIVIAN OUT.

King, Emperor, and Sex God

I'm giving up. Being the Gordo to his Lizzie is perfectly fine for me. And that gives me the perfect way to send him that rose. I'll just say it was a dare. And that way, I can confirm his reg :/ So yes. I will attempt to give up. It's just too depressing. I'm perfectly content with what I have right now. Okay, not perfectly. But somewhat content.

But anyway, enough of that. It's bothered me for too long. So... that card game. I don't even know what it's called. But whatever it's called, yes. Sigh. My idol, the King, has lost it all D: He lost to the Emperor Matthew. It was a sad day. The idol that I have worshiped for so long has fallen. He is a fallen hero. Although he did get the ace of spades and best sex a couple of times... the King has lost his touch. His ace of spades streak only lasted thirteen games. He had a nice and long reign. But as soon as Emperor Matthew joined in the game, it was all over for the King. It's too nasty to say, so I won't. It's just disturbing. But I will say this much: whatever is in Emperor Matthew's pants will surprise you. Ah, but the emperor's reign didn't last as long as the King's did. The emperor's reign lasted a mere three games before the Sex God--formerly known as the Lord--took over. The Sex God, once under the wing of the King, surpassed them all. The once almighty reign of the King crumbled under the power of the Emperor, only to be destroyed by the Sex God. A very memorable day indeed.

At this point in the story, we must give a moment of silence. For both my fallen idol, the King, and for the fallen Emperor. But we have to be strong and welcome the new Barney of this game. The Sex God will reign over us all.

3.4 :/

Wow. My mom ran in at 7:30 this morning screaming at me because I got a 3.4. Sigh. How did I get a 3.4?! I was supposed to get a 3.6 unweighted :/ I was supposed to get an A in Rosales. How did I end up with a B?!??!?!?! IT'S ROSALES. I'm so confused. I must confront him on Monday. But I don't wanna end up like Joanna and have him hating on me. That would be terrible. So this will be a very difficult matter. But a 3.4 is just against my morals. My whole "slack off and still get A's" thing isn't working out. I mean, I expected the B in AP World because I never do any work for that class. And I expected the B in English because all I do is sleep in that class. But but but but but Rosales?!?!??! C'mon. C'mon. I think he may have mixed me up with Leung o_O Sigh. I must confront him for this. I can't get a 3.4 D: Even though I don't put any effort into my school work, I still expect at least a 3.6 :/ I know that doesn't make any sense, but it's been working for me for the past nine years. Since when have I ever put serious effort into anything? Why can't all my teachers be like Ms. D? I put absolutely no effort into Chem and ended up with an A. I'm serious. I didn't do anything in that class. The most I did was ask other people for answers. WTN. This is completely against my morals D:

Working, thinking... it hurts my brain. I'm anti-work. If I were pro-work, I think I might have straight A's. But who needs straight A's? All that brings is expectations from your parents. It would be like eighth grade all over again. After getting straight A's, all my parents expected of me was to maintain my grades. There was no joy in getting straight A's. It was all about responsibility. And when my grades dropped in the last quarter because I got too lazy to do the notes for Mr. Dea, I got in trouble with my parents. This just goes to show that putting effort into anything just brings war and famine into your life. Which is why, after I got to Lowell, I stopped trying. Well, I didn't actually stop trying. I try on tests and such. But I stopped putting effort into anything. I haven't worried about college since eighth grade. You see, if you maintain average grades, your parents will expect more of you, but as long as you maintain at least a 3.5, you'll be fine. Because your parents think you're not smart enough to get a 4.0. Therefore, you never get in trouble for not getting a 4.0. But the thing is, I think my parents know that I can do better. It's okay, though. They also know that my father is a lazy bum and I inherited the genes for that from him. So it's not my fault that my grades are so bad. It's his.

But I'm not gonna suddenly start putting effort into school. I mean, if getting a 3.4 had that big of an impact on me, I would be doing homework right now and not blogging. So yeah. I'll probably start homework afterward, though. But not because I'm trying harder. But because I need to watch more TV tonight. And to show my mother that "I'm going to start trying harder".

Maybe getting a 3.4 wasn't so bad. It kept my mind off of the madness, at least. Sigh. And now that I mentioned it, the madness came back. VIVIAN OUT.

THERE IT IS

Nevermind. I found my eraser :D My day just got a whole lot better.

Weekends just aren't fun anymore. Nowadays, they're all about wallowing in pain.

WHERE IS IT?!

Ah, there's where the depression went. I thought it would come to me on Thursday after the second bomb dropped, but it didn't. I wasn't even depressed on Thursday. Or Friday, for that matter. So I thought I was okay. I was actually proud of myself for not being depressed. I rewarded myself by getting ten hours of sleep. And then I wake up this morning, turn on the TV, and everything just goes

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\/

downhill. I was watching TV. And apparently, since it's close to stupid Valentine's Day, everything is about relationships and stuff. WTN. Headdesk. Headdesk. It was so depressing :/ Sigh.

I'm starting to think the whole "make a wish at 11:11" thing doesn't work. I make the same wish all the time and it never works. Should I seriously send the boat? Stupid Maria, making me do this. I really don't want to. I could always send it to someone else :/ But who?! Who do I think is ugly? Angry Santa. I don't wanna be mean and mention any names, so I won't :D

But should I?! This is so terrible :/ If GodBuddha had meant for me to send it, then I wouldn't have been so depressed today. Right?! But then... I don't know. We're supposed to be in charge of our lives. I shouldn't be so dependent on supernatural stuff. Especially since I don't even believe in God/Buddha. I'm a quarter Atheist. But still. Having a supernatural being up there would make everything so much better. I wouldn't have to be worrying about my life because everything would be planned out already. But that's not happening. So... I'm still confused about what to do. That didn't help me at all.

And to top it off, I lost my eraser D: Where is it?!??! I've been using it since freshman year :/ Where did it go?! I think I lost it after the Geo test. But that's impossible, because I still have my pencil. WHERE IS IT?!!? I'm worried D: And now, I need a new eraser. And I don't have any good erasers at the moment. And tomorrow's homework day, so I don't have time to get a good eraser. So I won't have a good eraser for the next week D: What to do?!

Sigh. I still haveta finish up piano homework. VIVIAN OUT.

Quote of the Day

"I know it's such a compelling book" Ms. Recht, on The Great Gatsby

"I'm a ninjist" Godzillawoman

"European" Kim

Life Hates Me

I feel depression coming on tomorrow. I don't even know if I'm still sending that candy gram or not. Rose gram. Whatever it is. And it's not only because I'm a cheap Asian. But why is this happening?! I got over the bomb from last Monday on Thursday. And today, another bomb dropped. It wasn't even a week. Couldn't I get at least a week of non-depression? Life hates me.

School is sucky, too. I have a terms test for Driver's Ed tomorrow. What terms?! We never got a list. What am I supposed to study from?!? And then there's Friday. OH GOD. I have a Chem test first thing in the morning. There goes all my brain juice. I need a while to recover from that. But no. Immediately after that test, I have a DBQ in AP World. WTN D: In a row. And then a Geo test. WOW. Life does hate me.

Argh. I was all excited for the stupid candy gram. Then again, I don't even know what his reg is. Joel was supposed to find out for me. But that was before the bomb dropped. Again. I was so excited D: Sigh.

Then again, this is my 50th blog post. It should be something celebrated. Hmm. The only good thing that happened to me today? I'm one percent away from an A in AP World. Stupid quizzes. I'm not a quiz taker at all. I'm a test taker. But then again, my 89% will drop after the stupid DBQ on Friday. SO. Life hates me. Yet again. Nothing is going smoothly for me. Sigh. VIVIAN OUT.

Quote of the Day

"What's a LANimal? Is it an animal on land?" Ryan

"I want a six inch penis" Janice

"Squeeze Ms. D!" Gordon

Best Poem Evar

Roses are red

Violets are blue

My heart stops beating

Whenever I see you

P.S. fuck you whore

Best poem ever :D I'm sending that on the candy gram. Stupid Maria D: Now I just need to find out his reg. Shouldn't be that hard. Just need to ask around. :/ VIVIAN OUT

Enragedsacker

Perfect week. For Barney, at least. I think we should give him some props. He nailed seven chicks in one week. One chick a day. That's pretty impressive. So here's to Barney's perfect week.

That's more than what can be said for me. I guess I got over the bomb on Thursday. I woke up happy on Thursday morning. And now, it's just back to the madness. But today was sort of terrible. I hate Joel. I hate Joel. So much. SO MUCH.

Anyway, yesterday was pretty awesome. Another COD and L4D party. Except it was supposed to be a homework party. It was awesome, though. Hmm. Not a lot is happening in my life right now. At least, at this point, I don't really remember anything. The madness just takes over 24/7. So yeah. Hmm. Oh. If you want an enragedsacker T-shirt, contact me :D Or Gordon. Or Kim. The more people order, the cheaper the shirts are. So order some. Tell your friends. It's based off of Maria. So if you want Maria to be angry, just wear the shirt. It'll be worth it. :D Hmm. I guess that's it. Not much stuff today. VIVIAN OUT.